Blue

Am finally getting down to update my blog. I had been trying to upload some pics, but apparently the website stood me up. Sigh, frustrating… Nevertheless, I thought that it’ll be good to just pen down some words. Remembered that some time ago, I blogged about having many thoughts, but not too sure how to put them down in words. This is one of those moments. Can’t seem to string up my thoughts into a coherent train. Will attempt anyway.

Many things have taken place since I last posted my entry. Realised I have been rather “backward looking” (as opposed to forward-looking). My thoughts seem to dwell largely on things that have happened recently, or are taking place currently. In so doing, I can’t really embrace the future very well. This bugged me.

Christmas is round the corner, and this is supposed to be a great, fun, exciting time, one that is full of hope and joy. And I can’t seem to conjure up the mood within me. Melancholy maybe? Of course, one factor could be the “sian-ness” at work. This project work is really sapping my strength and zeal. I’m not really looking forward because it will get even more demanding over the next few months.

Another reason, maybe, is the activities that I have been and will be much involved in ch – cell, C party planning, puppet training, meetings w P, Frisbee, caroling, camp, follow-ups… the thought of it all kinda frightens me and honestly, I do feel like running away sometimes. (Btw, for those of you from Hope, this is Not an SOS call.)

I guess I’m just not feeling too tip top at this moment. And I’m not quite ready to snap out of it. Sometimes I wonder, am I genuinely feeling this way, or am I just giving in to self-pity?

Notice how many “I”, “my” and “me” in this entry? Definitely been focusing too much on myself. It’s a downward spiral. O God, please come and rescue me!

“Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek His face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide Your face from me,
do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.”
Psalm 27: 7-9