Annual Exercise

Went through the first round of appraisal session with my boss today. Was somehow not prepared for it as I was supposed to be at another location doing testing today. Incidentally, I went back to office to pick up something and I saw his email about the appraisal today.

At first, I wanted to be prepared by thinking through what I should and should not be saying. So far, I have been discussing with fellow colleagues about moving on, changing depts etc. Haven't formally floated the idea to the bosses, so this might be it. The formal channel, so to speak. But I also didn't want the words to come out wrongly and put me in negative light... Said a little earnest prayer, and trusted it to God.

Thank God that Sup was very approachable and open to discussion. We discussed about my current project, my workload, etc. and we broached the subject of job recognition and satisfaction. I did not want to be hypocritical and deny that this is a non-issue to me. So I shared my observation about the closer relation between a high profile job and better recognition. Of course, Sup begged to defer. But I wonder if that's what he really thinks, or that he had to give a politically correct response...

Unfortunately, it was in this context that I mentioned about my preference to move on. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination, but I thought that Sup was rather surprised or disappointed at my preference. He felt that I had been mis-guided in wanting to move out just because the pasture is greener on the other side. Arrgh... Mis-represented, wrongly conveyed.. I guess that reward is just 1 factor that caused me to look away. Another reason was that I have enough of "micro" view in this industry. Its time to have a "macro" view.

As Sup is actually quite a nice person, I also shared with him my desire to further my studies. He agreed that it is a feat to obtain funding from the organisation. Better to try outside sources...

There you have it, in 1+ hours, I have laid some cards on the table. Not sure if it was a wise move in the corporate world. Not sure how the bosses will respond to me in future. But I had prayed and approached this appraisal with clear mind, so I shall not be too concerned about this yeah?

One thing I felt, when I made known my preference, I felt this tinge of sadness. Silly sentimental me.. maybe I have been swayed by the verbal praises of my boss. But at that moment, I was suddenly aware that I do have a nice, caring Sup in front of me. And I wonder if other people would be as nice too.

Well, no immediate change for me because of the project on hand!