A Closed Chapter
I typed this entry over several nights as there are so many things to process through in my mind, and I’m usually exhausted by the time I settle in front of the PC ...
Reached Singapore on Tue evening, after all the funeral matters have been completed in KL. The previous week had been very emotionally draining, stressful and even bizarre one. When we received news of grandma's hospitalisation and ill condition 2 Tues ago, we dropped everything on hand and rushed to KL to visit her. Thank God that we were not too late to see her. She appeared to have improved on Thu afternoon and we thought that she would make it through. Unfortunately, things nosedived from evening onwards. Grandma seemed to know her time has come, and she insisted on seeing every single person in the large family, and convey her final wishes. We all took turns to visit her in the ICU during the visiting hours, as only 2 persons were allowed inside. It was really a touch-and-go time with her. We had no opportunity to spend quality time with her.
That same night, my extended family came to know about some not-so-nice happenings, and confrontations between relatives ensued. Result: an injured relative and 2 broken panels of sliding glass door. I have never witnessed such a scene and honestly, it frightened me. Thank God that the involved parties have since mellowed down and made up. Some of us had this feeling that the incident was kinda like a bad omen. True enough, early next morning, we received the much dreaded call from the hospital and we arrived at the hospital too late...
Funeral arrangements were quickly made. I have never experienced such a traditional funeral before, one filled with rites, rituals and dos-and-don'ts. The immediate family, consisting of my nuclear family, 7 aunts, 4 uncles and the uncles' families were all gathered at my grandma's home (32 pp in all!) for the next 2 days. For whatever superstitious reason, nobody returned to his own home. So it was a very communal style of living, especially when the sons-in-law, other grandchildren and greatchildren arrived in the day. At nightime, people were just sleeping anywhere on the ground. We were also instructed not to wash hair, cut hair, sweep floor, change clothes etc. Such was the extent of my uncles/aunts' deep-seated beliefs.
Throughout most of the funeral period, I was feeling numb. Kind of detached from the happenings around me. With so many people staying together, conflicts and disagreements were bound to happen. The various episodes have taught me the importance of handling conflicts with tact in a cool and collected manner.
As anticipated, there were lots of rites, rituals and burning of incense. My brother, being the eldest grandson, was initially pressured to fulfill the obligations in the rituals. Thank God, we (mum, bro and I) eventually spoke with the “in-charge” and we were graciously excused from taking joss sticks, and doing “extreme stuff”. As a mark of respect, we took part in the rituals (bowing, kneeling, walking) along with the others. Most of the time, the monk or “in-charge” would be chanting in some language that I do not understand, while we sit or kneel accordingly. To me, it was not an entirely futile exercise as the moments of solitude allowed me to focus and process my thoughts better, to think of my grandma, and to pray.
After the funeral wake was over, one of my aunt collapsed and was rushed to hospital. We suspected that it was probably due to poor health, fatigue and emotional distress. Thank God, she was already alright by the time we left for Singapore.
This is by far my most eventful stay in KL
My grandma’s demise has revealed the extent of love and regards that my aunts and uncles have for her. She had influenced so many lives, those of her children and her grandchildren. Everyone loved her deeply. I realized that one of the greatest ways to influence another person’s life is to pour out your life in the caring and nurturing of your own children. And I’ll like to be able to do just that one day…
Reached Singapore on Tue evening, after all the funeral matters have been completed in KL. The previous week had been very emotionally draining, stressful and even bizarre one. When we received news of grandma's hospitalisation and ill condition 2 Tues ago, we dropped everything on hand and rushed to KL to visit her. Thank God that we were not too late to see her. She appeared to have improved on Thu afternoon and we thought that she would make it through. Unfortunately, things nosedived from evening onwards. Grandma seemed to know her time has come, and she insisted on seeing every single person in the large family, and convey her final wishes. We all took turns to visit her in the ICU during the visiting hours, as only 2 persons were allowed inside. It was really a touch-and-go time with her. We had no opportunity to spend quality time with her.
That same night, my extended family came to know about some not-so-nice happenings, and confrontations between relatives ensued. Result: an injured relative and 2 broken panels of sliding glass door. I have never witnessed such a scene and honestly, it frightened me. Thank God that the involved parties have since mellowed down and made up. Some of us had this feeling that the incident was kinda like a bad omen. True enough, early next morning, we received the much dreaded call from the hospital and we arrived at the hospital too late...
Funeral arrangements were quickly made. I have never experienced such a traditional funeral before, one filled with rites, rituals and dos-and-don'ts. The immediate family, consisting of my nuclear family, 7 aunts, 4 uncles and the uncles' families were all gathered at my grandma's home (32 pp in all!) for the next 2 days. For whatever superstitious reason, nobody returned to his own home. So it was a very communal style of living, especially when the sons-in-law, other grandchildren and greatchildren arrived in the day. At nightime, people were just sleeping anywhere on the ground. We were also instructed not to wash hair, cut hair, sweep floor, change clothes etc. Such was the extent of my uncles/aunts' deep-seated beliefs.
Throughout most of the funeral period, I was feeling numb. Kind of detached from the happenings around me. With so many people staying together, conflicts and disagreements were bound to happen. The various episodes have taught me the importance of handling conflicts with tact in a cool and collected manner.
As anticipated, there were lots of rites, rituals and burning of incense. My brother, being the eldest grandson, was initially pressured to fulfill the obligations in the rituals. Thank God, we (mum, bro and I) eventually spoke with the “in-charge” and we were graciously excused from taking joss sticks, and doing “extreme stuff”. As a mark of respect, we took part in the rituals (bowing, kneeling, walking) along with the others. Most of the time, the monk or “in-charge” would be chanting in some language that I do not understand, while we sit or kneel accordingly. To me, it was not an entirely futile exercise as the moments of solitude allowed me to focus and process my thoughts better, to think of my grandma, and to pray.
After the funeral wake was over, one of my aunt collapsed and was rushed to hospital. We suspected that it was probably due to poor health, fatigue and emotional distress. Thank God, she was already alright by the time we left for Singapore.
This is by far my most eventful stay in KL
My grandma’s demise has revealed the extent of love and regards that my aunts and uncles have for her. She had influenced so many lives, those of her children and her grandchildren. Everyone loved her deeply. I realized that one of the greatest ways to influence another person’s life is to pour out your life in the caring and nurturing of your own children. And I’ll like to be able to do just that one day…
posted by Handiworks @ 12:51 AM
1 Comments:
At 12:12 AM,
Handiworks said…
Thank you all v much for the concern and prayers.
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