I Can Only Imagine

As I log on this morning to read the latest entries by friends who knew William, my heart feels heavy. Although the funeral is over, we are still getting over the grief.

As I typed this entry, the song "I Can Only Imagine" is playing in the background. The lyrics goes like this: "I can only imagine what it'll be like when I walk by Your side, I can only imagine what my eyes will see when Your face is before me. Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel, will I dance for You Jesus, or in awe of You be still? Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine, when that day comes, and I find myself standing in the Son, I can only imagine when all I would do is to forever worship You."

I thought of the lyrics, I thought of William who no longer needs to imagine, cos he is already in God's presence. He has gone ahead of us. Then I thought of myself, what it would be like standing in God's presence, and I was swept by an unexpected wave of emotions, and tears just flowed down my face, as I imagined facing my dear Lord in my grief, and feeling what Mary might have felt when she fell at Jesus' feet when Jesus arrived at Lazarus' funeral. The pain, the question "Lord why?" ... Then I remembered Pastor Sng mention about why Jesus had delayed going to Lazarus. He wanted the people to know that in Him, death is not the final sentence. He was able to conquer death, and He has conquered death!

When I ponder further, I realised that this is the exact point that I wanted to recall from pastor's sharing at the wake. I had remembered the other 2 points (Live well to die well, life is fragile), but I forgot this first point. For the past few days, I was asking the Lord to help me recall it, and now, He has answered me, in the form a deep, personal experience! Such an amazing God! I know for sure that He is with me, helping me through this grieving process. God is so Real!

A Chapter Closed

Attended the funeral of Ah Loo today. I guess it’s the start of a closure to a chapter, a chapter of interaction with him. The past days have been very draining, both emotionally and physically. At work, I was unable to focus, and would be contantly distracted by thoughts about William, Elaine and Estelle. I would pray for Elaine, I would ask the Lord why, I would wonder whether William’s spirit would be aware of what’s happening here. I would think of who have we not informed, what more can we do for the family, the way ahead etc... At times, I would sms or talk on the phone with friends who know William, to share our common grief.

After work, I would rush home immediately, wash up, eat and drive to the funeral wake. The least I could do was to be present to render help wherever needed. I wanted to be there to grieve together with people whose lives William had touched. I wanted to be there to support Elaine, to let her know that she has the support and prayers of Hope family, that she can count on us. Hopefully this little that we offer can help relieve a little of the pain that she is going through.

Elaine has been exceptionally strong the past days. I am so amazed by her composure, and can only attribute it to God’s grace and strength upon her. I marveled as I listen to her accounts of William and what a loving husband he has been to her. My heart ached as I heard Elaine sing the first song he wrote for her when they were courting. William had recorded the song over and over to fill the entire 60-min cassette tape. So sweet of him. Also, he stood up for Elaine when he demanded a big-sized stranger to apologise to Elaine for having kicked a soccer ball over her and hit her on her hand.

We heard it over and over again. William had been a great husband, father, son, son-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, friend to so many people. The throngs of people who came for the wake every day bear testament to how much he is loved. William lived life so fully, and he had left a deep impact on many people.

I can only thank God for allowing me to know such a wonderful, positive, inspiring friend. I pray that his life and his death would be a reminder of how I should live my life, to make my life count. As pastor Sng mentioned, we ought to live well so as to die well. Life is fragile and not to be taken for granted.

Tribute to a friend and a brother

I am deeply saddened by the demise of a beloved brother in the Hope family. It came as a total shock to all of us that brother William Loo should leave us in such a sudden manner yesterday morning.

“Ah Loo” as he was affectionately called had been an inspiration to many of us in so many aspects. He was such a fun, cheerful, friendly and optimistic person. When I think of him, I always picture him with a wide, radiant smile on his face, cos that was how he usually greeted us whenever we meet.

I remember when he first joined the CGL meetings, he brought along such a wave of enthusiasm that we could not help but be influenced by his excitement. He had such a positive attitude about him. And this optimism did not dwindle as time went by. His love for God and heart of service was clearly evident as we interacted with him.

William was in charge of the Welcome ministry, and he served there, together with Lucy and the ushers. I remember how he initiated welcome lunches for newcomers to Hope, and how he spent much effort coming up with the Hope directory. He would email and email all the cell group leaders for updates of information, consolidate them and ask us to check through. The result is a really beautiful Hope directory folder. When I was going through my archived emails, there were many emails from William pertaining to various Hope matters. William had been one of the very responsive recipient and he had contributed much ideas to us all.

William was one of our better players in Frisbee. Yet, he was humble and sought to help us improve our skills. He was very encouraging and patient with us, especially the gals. I remember many times when he would walk up to me after or during Frisbee sessions, and give me a tip or two on how I could improve, and where my weaknesses are. He would practice the throws with me, till I kinda get it correctly. These, he conveyed with such gentleness and sincerity, that I could readily receive with gratitude.

William was a very dynamic worship leader. I always enjoyed the worship practices with him. He never failed to encourage me whenever I encountered difficulties playing any songs on the keyboard. I remember times when he wanted to introduce new songs to us, he was very thoughtful, and he sent the mp3 file to me in advance, so that I could familiarize with the songs beforehand. There was an email he sent to provide me the lyrics of the worship songs. He had written “Hope you enjoyed the worship practice yesterday. I know I did. Thanks.” It was just a simple 1-liner, yet it managed to spread his positive vibes to me. I thank God that I knew such a friend like him. One of the songs that he taught us was “Throne of Praise”. I always associated that song with "Ah Loo" as he liked to choose the song when he led worship. The lyrics echoed his heartbeat for worship and praises to the Lord.

As pastor Sng mentioned to Elaine yesterday at the wake, whenever we take the Lord’s supper and we recite the phrase about having the angels, heavenly beings and saints cheering us on, we remember that Ah Loo is there with them. And we can take comfort that he is at a better place now. The call is now for Hope to rise up and be the family to Elaine and Estelle.

Rest... Physical

Have been feeling rather unwell since last night. Had dinner with cell to celebrate Jess bday. Ate some fried stuff and the chocolatey stuff, so hmmm... Was trying to rest at home most of today, but still battling a runny nose.

For this past week, I have been gradually finding back my rhythm at work. Re-org is taking place and lots of uncertainty out there. Thank God that my colleague will not be changing dept at this point in time, but he's gonna be returning to hometown for 1 month in Feb!! Think I will be manning the fort alone during that time! Praying that it'll be manageable...