Issues

Have been feeling rather down and out the past few days. I guess it could be attributed to how directionless I am and feel. The other issue constantly on my mind is the HCM. This Sunday will be the last week of "outsourced" children program, and I have absolutely no idea what we're going to do in the following weeks. Our suggestion to extend the outsourcing has been turned down flatly. Are the helpers then expected to pick up the lessons from next week? Where are the materials and resources coming from?

I find that the min is in quite a pathetic condition, not because of the other helpers, but because I am not doing a good job coordinating this thing. Issues, problems just keep arising, and I have no solution to speak of. Then I blame myself for not trying hard enough, not waiting upon God, not rallying the people, not initiating stuff, etc. And I do find it a great struggle to do any of these. I constantly ask myself "where is my heart". What am I passionate about? Is this what God wants me to do? How? I am so lost, and time is just ticking away, bringing with it the various deadlines!

In the midst of all these confusion, there is a number of coordination works to be done for HCM this week. Am praying for God’s divine strength and purpose to prevail.

With all these clutter in me, I need a time-out desperately. And thankfully, managed to get a half day off this Friday. Will take the time to ventilate to God and hear what He’s got to say…

On a different note, I was very encouraged yesterday when my mum showed me a verse that she had carefully cut out from her church bulletin, and she had pasted the slip of paper in her wallet. I’ve never really seen such display of “spiritual act” from her. The verse is from Ps 46:1.
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.”

A timely reminder indeed!

"Aftermath" of SUO?

Didn’t sleep a wink last night! Not sure why, but I was tossing and turning about the whole night. Never experienced this before. Is it the first sign of insomnia? I certainly hope not. It did not help that I have been feeling feverish and coming down with sore throat since Sunday night. Have attempted to self medicate, but don’t seem to be improving leh.

Anyway, still got to get ready for work shortly. I’ll see how I’ll do at work before deciding whether to see a doc.

Have been wanting to blog about episode 2 of the SUO, but think that Jache, Princess, and Gunblad have covered the event thoroughly, and I need not repeat the story eh.

I must be of “dou-fu” substance, coz me weak lah. Just 2 days out in the sun and rain over the weekend, and my body cannot “ta-han”. I notice that I usually fall sick if the following happens:-
1) If I eat a bit more tid-bits than usual, coz I don’t usually snack on them
2) If I am at foreign country with different climate for more than a few days
3) If I am out in the sun for long time, and do not drink lots of water
4) If I do not sleep properly or am stressed for pro-longed period

I guess the past few days were a combination of some of the above... sigh.

Open - Day 1 (Exhausted!)

As the title says it, I am super tired now, and body aching after today's matches. Erm, though I was somewhat expecting not to do well, didn't expect it to be this "poor". I shan't elaborate on the scores yah... Surprisingly, I am not feeling upset nor disappointed. Rather, I am thankful for so many things:

1) our team got more comfortable and confident with each game
2) our results improved with each game too!
3) I liked it when we gathered to pray at the beginning, before meal, at the end, and when we shouted "Praise God" in our circle. Kinda reminded that we've got a strong and mighty God on our side =)
4) good weather, though some of us were sun-burnt
5) presence of supporters, including Ad, our lovely score keeper
6) wonderful learning experience
7) friendly opponents
8) JY who joined us for the game. Valuable help!
9) All our other foreign "imports" - P.E Teachers!!!
10) Increased publicity. I heard that many pp in the frisbee community are aware of this little group Ultimate Hope playing in Punggol. They were pretty excited that we are fielding a team although we are beginners.

And many more reasons lah... Will update again.

Got to sleep now. Need to report at the field by 7.30am tmr morning!!

Annual Exercise

Went through the first round of appraisal session with my boss today. Was somehow not prepared for it as I was supposed to be at another location doing testing today. Incidentally, I went back to office to pick up something and I saw his email about the appraisal today.

At first, I wanted to be prepared by thinking through what I should and should not be saying. So far, I have been discussing with fellow colleagues about moving on, changing depts etc. Haven't formally floated the idea to the bosses, so this might be it. The formal channel, so to speak. But I also didn't want the words to come out wrongly and put me in negative light... Said a little earnest prayer, and trusted it to God.

Thank God that Sup was very approachable and open to discussion. We discussed about my current project, my workload, etc. and we broached the subject of job recognition and satisfaction. I did not want to be hypocritical and deny that this is a non-issue to me. So I shared my observation about the closer relation between a high profile job and better recognition. Of course, Sup begged to defer. But I wonder if that's what he really thinks, or that he had to give a politically correct response...

Unfortunately, it was in this context that I mentioned about my preference to move on. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination, but I thought that Sup was rather surprised or disappointed at my preference. He felt that I had been mis-guided in wanting to move out just because the pasture is greener on the other side. Arrgh... Mis-represented, wrongly conveyed.. I guess that reward is just 1 factor that caused me to look away. Another reason was that I have enough of "micro" view in this industry. Its time to have a "macro" view.

As Sup is actually quite a nice person, I also shared with him my desire to further my studies. He agreed that it is a feat to obtain funding from the organisation. Better to try outside sources...

There you have it, in 1+ hours, I have laid some cards on the table. Not sure if it was a wise move in the corporate world. Not sure how the bosses will respond to me in future. But I had prayed and approached this appraisal with clear mind, so I shall not be too concerned about this yeah?

One thing I felt, when I made known my preference, I felt this tinge of sadness. Silly sentimental me.. maybe I have been swayed by the verbal praises of my boss. But at that moment, I was suddenly aware that I do have a nice, caring Sup in front of me. And I wonder if other people would be as nice too.

Well, no immediate change for me because of the project on hand!

4 days!

4 days to The Day!! We're actually going to participate in the competition soon! As with Jache, this is the first time I'm participating in any competitive sports, so am quite excited and nervous eh. Unfortunately, I haven't been training and jogging as much as I would like to.

We did a recce of the site on Sunday, and I was just standing at the park, imagining how it would look like come Sat... loads of sporty-looking people milling everywhere, discs flying all over, and our supporters will be there too =)... We also tried out a couple of throws on the field there. Surely, it would be a fun time!

From now, need to be praying for clear and cool weather. It's been raining every afternoon / evening for the past few days, and I certainly hope that all the rain would be emptied by Sat ;)